Why Putin is the world's greatest leader.

Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin became the acting President of Russia on December 31, 1999, and since then has gone on to become one of the most ridiculously awesome people ever to live. His approval rating is constantly one of the highest of any world leaders, peaking at an incredible 81% in June 2007 (incidentally, the same year he won Time's "Man of the Year" award). He presided over the sextupling of Russia's GDP, a more than 50% decrease in poverty, and an increase in average monthly salaries from $80 to $640. True, Putin's presidency has often come under fire by Western media for being supposedly "undemocratic" to the point where Hillary Clinton personally accused him of having no soul, but public surveys have shown that three times as many Russians believe Russia is both more democratic and has better human rights under Putin than under preceding President Yeltsin. As for Clinton's personal attack on him, Putin famously replied with "Minimally, a state leader should have a head."

But above and beyond any statistics, Putin is the world's greatest leader because he is a politician who believes in ACTION. Putin's incredible adventures include, but are not limited to: flying military aircraft, including a fighter jet over Chechnya -- which was, of course, the middle of a war zone; martial arts, as he is a judo master and the only world leader to have his own signature move, called the Haraigoshi; tranquilizing wild tigers, and measuring their teeth; tranquilizing wild polar bears, and attaching them with satellite tags; being unanimously voted by a high council of Russian bikers into a Hells Angel rank with the official nickname of Abaddon, after the Biblical "Angel of the Pit" from the Book of Revelations; firing darts at whales, from a crossbow, on a tiny rubber raft, in the middle of the Arctic Sea; test driving Formula 1 racecars; and scuba diving at the site of the ancient Greek colony Phanagoria, where he discovered several ancient relics.

In addition, Putin just wins Russia. The people love him. There's a brand of vodka called "Putinka", or "Little Putin" that is the second most popular brand of the nation's 11 billion dollar vodka market. People riot in the streets of Moscow in favor of his actions. There is a religious sect called The Convent of Saint Putin that believes him to be the reincarnation of Saint Paul the Apostle and Grand Prince Vladimir of Rus, the founder of the Russian Orthodox Church. A popular comic book called Super Putin includes story arcs where he defeats evil corporations, terrorists, zombies, and interplanetary space ducks. In one scene he "summons the spirit of wisdom (in a state Godzilla-breeding farm run by a mystic kung fu master) by pouring a bottle of Stolichniya into a mystic cauldron to summon Darth Vader, who uses the flaming heart of democracy to turn the Russian Bear Spirit into Dmitri Medvedev."

In Russia, a president can serve only two consecutive terms before having to step down. Putin did so in 2008, but his former prime minister and political ally Dmitri Medvedev won the presidency in his stead, while Putin relegated himself to 4 years as PM (although it's commonly held that this changed absolutely nothing about the nation's power structure). However, as of just a few days ago, Putin returned to the highest office in the land when he won his 2012 presidential election in a stupendous victory, scoring well over 90% of the votes in some areas and ensuring at least another four years of continued awesomeness in the Kremlin.